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:icona-lovely-anxiety: More from A-Lovely-Anxiety


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fantabulous literature by kmills95

Words by Shoeborn

Poetry by Lady-Yume


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Submitted on
April 15, 2014
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i.

He was seventeen when he died.
I never went to the funeral
but I walked past it the day of
the service.  His mother
was in the backseat of a blue Dodge,
door open, head in her hands.

"My baby," she kept repeating.
"My baby."  It would go from sobbing, to
screaming, to a soft whisper that
I could only hear being carried
on the wind.

ii.

It was a Wednesday afternoon that they found
his old red pickup truck parked
out front of Slim's, two beer bottles in
the back and the windows cracked to let the stale
air out.
I heard that his dad told the police he was
gonna take that old truck and fix it up, because
he had promised his son before
because it's always in the before
he died.

And in the after, his mother never had dry eyes
and I'm pretty sure my mom told me
that she saw his dad at the bar every night,
drinking his sorrows down because some people can't
handle the stress.

Some people can't figure out why their son would
kill himself.

iii.

"Some men just want to watch the world burn?"
he replied to my question.

"You came to watch people die?"

"I came to watch myself die."

iv.

I never went to his house, even though he
had told me that one day, he wanted
to take me.
If he was not there, I would not go, I decided.

But, as I did the funeral, I walked by
his house on a windy fall day, when I saw his
father outside, raking the new falling leaves.
When I passed by, he looked up, and waved.

"Hello there," he called, grinning sadly at me.
"Are you doing okay today?"
I waved back and nodded at him, and he leaned
on his rake.

"Be careful," he said, then continued
his job.

And I know that it ran through his head that
some kids out there were unhappy,
and I guess he didn't want any kid that was
unhappy to end up like his.

It was hard not to cry on the way home.
It was like we had never even met.

v.

"You shouldn't do that, y'know," a voice
cut through the darkness that was
the forest I was in.  My eyes had adjusted but
not to him.
Because he was blacker than the night
around me, his soul did not hold the spark it would
soon in the future.
His brown eyes were so dark, so dark.

"Who the hell you think you are?"
My voice wavered, the shaking of my bones too
strong for my own good.
He shrugged, then walked towards the tracks,
sitting on his heels.

"All's I know is that it would hurt."
He turned back at me and grinned, flashing
his white teeth at me.

"You don't even know why I'm out here."

"Of course I do."

"How?"

"Because I came for the same reason."
His voice grew soft.  Then, he fell back onto
the ground, looking up at the stars.
"Do you think it'd be easier to die?"

I saw galaxies in his eyes that night.  His dark
hair falling around his face like some kind
of halo.  His clothes were dirty; a basketball jersey
and cargo shorts, but he had boat shoes
with no socks on.  He was a mess,
but so was I.

"Yes," I replied.

vi.

He was seventeen when he died.
He was too young.

He told me that he wanted to be someone
who changed the lives of others.
When our legs were tangled
underneath my sheets, he told me that
even if it was just his kids one day,
he wanted to change someone's life for the
better.

And no, I did not have the heart to tell him
that he had already changed mine.

vii.

On his gravestone is engraved,
"Then God said, "Let there be light";
and there was light."

viii.

"Whatever happened to that one guy?"

"Marcus?  He did what I couldn't do."

"What do you mean?"

"He saved me and then I couldn't save him."

ix.

To this day, when I go to visit him,
I can still see his blood splatters across the
train tracks.
a story told in nine parts about a boy i used to know that saved my life, and then three months later i could not save his

and to this day it still haunts me
Add a Comment:
 
:icondoveangel8:
doveangel8 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Life gives
It
Takes away
Leaves us laying on cold beds without them.

But we are here
We remain

To you I say, live the life he could not bare to live

DO all the things he dreamed
And someday

Someday find out who You are along the way
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you
Reply
:icondoveangel8:
doveangel8 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome.
Hug
Reply
:iconenigmaofinfinity:
EnigmaOfInfinity Featured By Owner Edited Sep 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Dear Sister,

To enhance your own more beautiful world, one should focus much more on one's talents than on one's lacks.


In this case:
Don't drown yourself in the thing you couldn't do
 (and most likely you weren't even supposed to in the first place, as everybody else who couldn't/shouldn't),

but instead of that, embrace the fact that because of you, he turned out to be exactly that what he had always dreamt about and wanted to be. It's true.
 ( in his world it didn't matter what you or anybody else did or did not, no, the only thing that had a real meaning was saving another one's life,
and you let him save yours! )

In other words:
It's because of you that he could live up to his soulpurpose (in this life, and served it very well)
and for that, he will always be able to live on, through your thoughts & memories, by your feelings like Love & Gratefulness

Visit him in your heart.
Honour him, by living your life with Grace  <3


In any case:
You have an extraordinary talent for writing and expressing your emotions (maby partially due to this experience?) and you can really reach people and touch them intensely!
And I thank you both for that!


Furthermore:
The fact that you still are holding on, means you keep on growing strong, and can take on nearly anything life can possibly throw on your lawn  ;)


Okay, I'm done.
Take care of youself!


PS:
And btw it's okay to cry, for it is the most special & intense way of expressing one's feelings towards another  :)

Now I'm done!  :p
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so, so, so very much.
Reply
:iconmatieucanadawilliams:
MatieuCanadaWilliams Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
grey heart bullet
You have an incredible way of expression. You don't have to condense everything into winding metaphors, leaving so many details raw.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I don't even know what to say. :heart: This is amazingly told.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014   Writer
... this seriously gave me goosebumps, and the fact that it has been written on personal experience amplified the amount...

Darling, this is a beautifully written piece of literature in line for a serious recognition. I can only add a bow out of respect :heart:
Reply
:iconmorticia-lynne:
Morticia-Lynne Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Student Writer
I'm so sorry for late commenting, I've been on a extremely busy schedule.
I'm glad I finally started catching up on your wonderful work though, you always know how to twist and morph the words into pure emotion.
You truly have a talent, and you know how to use it. I hope your loss will ease one day, but at least know that you have carried on his memory. Stay strong <3
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
the whole story's based on personal experience in my honest opinion. Truth be told, it was balanced and it was handled well. You have done a good job with this poem - and frankly speaking, I think this has to be your best work to date. Well done :thumbsup:
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so so much :heart:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014   Writer
iv. and ix. are my favorite sections.

Stay strong. :heart:
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:icongrizby20:
Grizby20 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
This is a story my mother told me : she was in high school, one of the cowboys she hangs out with was really good at sports, so much so that his father pushed him to be the best. Never allowing fun or mistakes. His father worked for the rail road. The boy competed suisied after his graduation. He put his truck on the rail road and waited for a train to come. His father was called out to track, because he works to help clean up crashes. 
His father ruled his life, one day he diceded to change that. 
It will never leave, that feeling of regret, and the pain of what if. You just have to say "yes, this happened and I will never be the same". But you also have to say "he gave me a second chance, so I must respect his wish and give life a chance."
have a good day, it dosnt have to be the best day, but good day.
Reply
:iconrockyroxas13:
RockyRoxas13 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
This story.... its sad, dreadful even but its beautifully true. His story... amazing.

I'm sorry you had to endure that :( I too have lost someone dear to me...
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Student Writer
Oh my lord

i just
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
me too
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Student Writer
i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
for you
and the boy you wrote that to
and i feel selfish for saying this
but it reminds me of myself
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
no baby, you aren't selfish.

it's okay to feel that way.  it's the reason i write things.  for people to relate.

thank you 
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Student Writer
but

oh god. i'm getting tired of being sad. but i feel like i don't know how to be happy.

thank you.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i am too, honey.  i am too.
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Student Writer
sigh.
Reply
:iconkmills95:
kmills95 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug: 

wow. this is... wow. i can feel the emotion just oozing out of this piece. would you mind if i print it out and stick it into a [physical] journal of sorts that i keep writing and tidbits of life in?

it's so sad, and so beautiful.

i'm so sorry :( i wish i knew what else to say. <3
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
as long as you give me credit, i have no problem with that whatsoever.

thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconkmills95:
kmills95 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
<3 
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Student Writer
Oh gosh. This is so packed with emotion. Thank you for sharing. :heart: Stay strong.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome. :glomp:
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconsadhugplz:that, as far as I can tell, is a hero
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
he was
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
he's not here any more, but his story isn't over. you are the story.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
maybe so.
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you are, darling
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you.  i hope so.

i miss him.
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yeah. i'm sure you do. 
Reply
:iconanobrain:
anobrain Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014
i'm sorry, sweetheart. x
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i'm sorry too
Reply
:iconanobrain:
anobrain Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014
always here
Reply
:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i feel like each one could tell it's own story, but that's true with all things. everything is a story within a story... i don't think his stories over. it might not have gotten better, but it also might be infinitely happier.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
he's fucking dead.
Reply
:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i know. that's what i mean. i don't wantto offend you, sorry
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
too late, sugar.  his story has been dead for a year.
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, hearfelt! This is definitely more poetic prose and narrative. The emotion is immense and I feel it myself. Bravo!
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks
Reply
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